A Moment Best Forgotten
by HouseBroken
Summary: House's hallucination causes him to hurt Cuddy. Can they overcome the damage and build a life together or will the damage be to great? Deals with rape, read at own risk. unbeta'd. Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything……except any grammatical mistakes.**

**I know I'm supposed to be working on my other story but I wasn't in the mood. Sorry. I'ma update before Sunday. Read at your own risk.**

Ch. 1: It won't matter

_If she loves you, it won't matter._

_Take her!_

_Take her!_

_Take her!_

_Take her now!_

He heard Amber screaming for him to take Cuddy, at first he didn't understand what she meant. She was whispering in his ear: _If she loves you it won't matter, she says she loves you. _

_Fuck her hard, don't take no for an answer._

_If she loves you it won't matter if she meets the real you; the dangerous, selfish bastard who only cares about himself._

Those words were repeating over and over in his head, fixing him in a trance as he drove to Cuddy's house. Walking to her door his mind screamed at him to stop but his body kept moving. Maybe it was the vicodin, Amber taunting him, or the results of the deep brain stimulation last year along with his brain injury but he found himself knocking on her door.

House, I'm not in the mood for your games." She groaned. "I just put Rachel to sleep, I'm tired whatever it is we can discuss it tomorrow." She said shutting the door but was stopped due to House wedging his cane in.

"No, it can't wait" he said a little dazed. "I need to know if you love me."

"House, go home, I'm not in the mood." She said again trying to get him to leave.

"I need to know now!" he shouted as he paced back and forth in the living room.

"Come down, I just put Rachel to bed and I'm tired." She said pulling him to the couch to sit down.

"Now!" He grunted out as he sat down, trying to ignore Amber who was steadily chanting _'Take her'._

"I do, but I realized that it would never work. One day you do something incredibly sweet the next you're the biggest asshole around. I can't have that instability in my life, I have a wonderful daughter who relies on me to take care of her I can't not be there for her because I'm crying over you.

_She loves you; take her, that's the only way you will ever know if she truly loves you. It won't matter if she does_. Amber whispered in his ear.

As if in a trance he leaned forward and kissed Cuddy, who immediately rejected him, slapping his face.

Angered that she spurned his kiss and his inability to distinguish the lines between reality and hallucinations he kissed her with more force, grabbing her shoulders pushing her against the cushion of the couch kissing her.

"House, stop!" Cuddy said trying to stop him.

"No, you love me, it won't matter." He kept repeating.

"Please…"she begged, scared because of the wild look in House's eye and his odd chanting of it won't matter.

"I love you." He groaned getting aroused at her frantic bucking to get him off of her, as he positions his body over hers. Grasping her robe, he pulled it apart ignoring her screams to stop, using one hand to hold her hands above her head; he used the other one to unzip his pants.

Cuddy was in shock at the direction the way things were headed. House had her in a vulnerable position and was unzipping her pants.

"House No!" she screamed behind his hand as he put it over her mouth.

Positioning himself between her legs, he slowly pushed in as his last bit of sanity kept him for hurting her indeterminably, ignoring her moans to stop and the burning pain in his leg, as he slammed the last couple of inches in.

Pleading for him to stop, Cuddy tried in vain to push House off her.

House, trapped in his own mind, was unaware of the full extent of the pain he was inflicting upon Cuddy; the only thing that was clear in his mind was the need to reach fulfillment.

Thrusting repeatedly, he finally reached his peak; he collapsed on top her, releasing her wrists. Her whimpers and sobs finally penetrated his mind and the enormity of what he just did finally dawned on him.

"God, Cuddy, I'm so sorry." He pleaded with her. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you." As he got up off of her.

Curling in a ball away from him, she began sobbing uncontrollably, unable to imagine why he would do something like this. He was her protector in college, now she needed protection from him. She couldn't quiet grasp the situation and the reason for it. One moment she was declaring her love and detailing the reasons for why a relationship would never work between them, the next she's fighting him off of her.

House was in shock over what he had done, how he could have done something so atrocious as to have hurt Cuddy, ignoring the pain in his leg he picked up Cuddy and limped to the bathroom, using the wall as support. Running water in the bathtub, he stripped off Cuddy's clothes and his and got in; holding her as she cried, he figured the only reason she allowed him this liberty was because she was still going through shock. Drying her off and apologizing profusely he settled her in bed, holding her trying to console her.

Amber reappeared and began mocking him. 'Obviously _she doesn't love you. You're pathetic_.' She taunted.

"Shut up." he shouted at her. Cuddy thought he was talking to her and flinched and huddled more in the covers.

"I'm so sorry Cuddy; there will never be anything I can do to fix this." He said as silent tears fell down his face, landing on her.

"House." She said as she wrapped him in her arms, both of them crying over what transpired that night. Drifting off to sleep, she was awaken later by the heat emitting from House, concerned she tried to wake him, at that moment he began to seized. Following her medical train she stabilized House as best as he could before calling 911. The doctors determined that he was having a side effect of the deep brain stimulation from last year. While being rushed into the ER, he kept apologizing to Cuddy, something that Wilson and Cameron was puzzled about. Throughout his stay the hallucinations got worse and Cuddy learnt a little bit about what drove House to do what he did. Concerned about his health they enrolled him in Mayfield Hospital.

Cuddy was in denial over what happened until her period fell to appear and she began experiencing morning sickness.

Thanks for reading. Please review. Pretty pretty please. I love reviews. Let me know whatcha think and if I should continue. Much love.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, it took me a while to update. Sorry about that, forgive me. Well let me know what you think and review please. Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews for the first chapter.

disclaimer:I own nothing but the mistakes.

And i have little medical knowledge so please excuse any medical mistakes.

CH 2: Emotions

Nine months later……….

Many doctors were shock to say the least that House had been gone for a year. Cuddy had informed people that he was on sabbatical leave to do research for a book he were publishing but many doubted that, especially those who were in the E.R. on the night that he was admitted and then later shipped off.

Rumors spread rapidly when cuddy's son was born, she told everyone that she decided to have another child, by IVF; but her son had crystal blue just like the missing diagnostic. Everybody was sure that cuddy and house had a torrid affair and that he either dumped her after finding out she was pregnant or attacked her because of the way they appear on the night of admittance earlier that year.

Wilson tried to lend a helping hand to Cuddy but was rejected every time he got in her personal space maybe it was because she wanted to do this without male interference he told himself. Knowing that something had happened but not knowing the full true drove him insane. Cuddy was hurting and going through a bout of depression after giving birth to her son whom she named Michael Gregory Cuddy and he wanted nothing more than to help but was pushed away at every turn. A part of him couldn't understand the depression, she wanted another child so why was she depressed she should be happy, but the doctor in him understood that post-partum depression is affected by changes in hormones.

Cuddy never blamed house for what happened, he was sick and needed help but she couldn't help but blame herself for not seeing his problems. Before Rachel she wanted to carry a child very much but after failed IVF and a miscarriage she had given up hope. However the fates laughed at her not only did she get pregnant she carried her baby full term without any complications, a child of rape. Every time she looked at her child she saw her own failures, she didn't blame the child for being the product of rape he was simply a reminder of failures.

She wanted to love him as much as she loved Rachel and maybe show him the same affection too. Praying and hoping that it would be like when she first adopted Rachel and she just had to have her moment and everything would fall in place, but Michael was about two months old and a bonding had not occurred yet, she was silently panicking and was secretly afraid to be alone with him because she couldn't give him all that he needed. Sometimes he be crying at night and she'd roll over and ignore him too afraid to look in his eyes and see those familiar orbs shining disappointment at her like his father.

Often times when he would cry she would burst into tears right alongside him. She always pushed Wilson away because she didn't want him to see how giving birth had affected her or comfort her because she was afraid she would blurt out that house was the father of her child and what truly happened that night.

"_Dr. House there is no reason for you to still be hear, rehab was over months ago, physical therapy is arranging to continue at PPTH and we've discussed the consequence of your actions that night now its time for you to make amends." Dr. Teag questioned._

"_I know but I can't face her, knowing that she carried my child cheated out raped instead of something better." House replied._

"_You know she doesn't blame you."_

"_I know but feel as if I should be in real jail instead of being released from this voluntary jail." House responded._

"_We talked about this, you had minimal control over your actions, they were truly an unfortunate incident but an innocent child was born out of it. This is your time to shine and become someone better. Now leave and go get your family." Dr. Teag said, pushing him out of the door._

Catching a cab to Cuddy's house, House knocked on the door as the last time he knocked played through his head. Nervous beyond doubt he wasn't quite sure on what to say but he knew he wanted to get to know his son.

"House……." Cuddy said as she open the door, as a mirage of emotions flickered across her face.

**Please review so I'll know whether or not to continue.**


	3. Chapter 3

Yay another chapter in less than a month. I'm glad I worked the graveyard shift tonight otherwise this chapter may not have happened so soon. I wanted to update every day but I realized that is not possible with class and my hectic schedule so I will aim for at least twice a week and anything else is a bonus. Guys I LOVED THE REVIEWS they had me anxious today to write. So thanks for all of the reviews and alerts especially the favorite author and stories. Read my other story if you haven't had the chance. Im off to bed and I hope yall enjoy.

Disclaimer: own nothing except grammatical errors. This is unbeta'd.

Ch. 3 Reunion

"_House……." Cuddy said as she open the door, as a mirage of emotions flickered across her face._

Cuddy…." He whispered in her hair as she hugged him, afraid to let go.

"House, I've missed you so much." Cuddy cried as she held on to him.

"I'm so sorry." He kept repeating as she cried in his arms, on the verge of crying himself.

Leading her to the couch he sat down and held her until the tears finally stopped. Taking in his surroundings he noticed that she had brought a new living room set, getting rid of the couch where everything happened.

"Cuddy, "he said raising her chin up so that she could meet his eyes. "I'm so sorry; I don't know how to start. My mind has always been the one thing I could count on, as a child I wasn't the most athletic or the most popular but the smartest. For the last twenty years my mind has carried me to higher planes than few people will ever reach, then my mind failed me." He said choking up. "Causing me to hurt you.

"House, I don't blame you. I blame myself; I should have paid more attention to what was going on. I was so wrapped up in my life that I failed to see yours crumbling, when you asked for a prescription to help you sleep I should have asked more question." She said swiping the tears away.

"It's not your job to take care of me and stop blaming yourself for my actions. In Mayfield, I thought about killing myself so many times, the first few months were terrible, the pain was intense and for a while Amber was still talking. I didn't think I wanted to live I just wanted to forget that I had hurt you of all people. You've saved my ass more time than I can count. I was ready to give up on life too afraid to face you. Then Wilson visited me, He told me you were pregnant and in that moment I knew I had a responsibility to you and our child to get better." He explained.

"House." She sobbed as a fresh batch of tears started. "I just want to put all of this in the past."

"It's not possible a child was created and may be a reminder of what happened. If my being here is too painful, I'll leave." He responded.

"No, I want you to stay, stay here with us." At that moment baby Michael began to cry.

House noticed that Cuddy did not immediately get up and rush to the crying infant. Raising an eyebrow he asked. "Are you going to get him?"

"Yeah." She said as if just realizing that he was crying, leaving the room to give Michael a bottle.

Being the type of guy that he is immediately started piecing together clues and diagnosing Cuddy. There wasn't any mention of Michael or Rachel, whom cuddy loves to brag about and his talks with Wilson. Wilson mentioned that he noticed that Cuddy was sad and had episodes of crying that lead to anxiety attacks. Reasons combined together with giving birth lead him to conclude that she was depressed, post partum depression to be exact. He was needed and he had no intention of abandoning them anytime soon.

Deciding to follow Cuddy, House limped to the nursery to finally meet his son. Watching Cuddy burp his son was majestic, he never thought he would be the type to gush over a child but seeing his own was magic. Walking up behind Cuddy he silently reached for the baby. Hold him was even better, he wanted to promise him the world. While holding Michael, Rachel began crying for her mother. House immediately noticed her change in demeanor from Michael to Rachel, she instantly soften upon holding her whereas she was stiff with him.

"Why do you treat him differently, you can't blame him for my actions." He questioned, upset at this discovery.

"I don't." She responded gently rocking Rachel back to sleep.

Deciding to drop the subject for now he nodded okay, postponing the conversation until the children where sleep.

After putting the children back to bed, they themselves got ready for bed. House offered to sleep on the couch but Cuddy would not hear of it, she invited him to sleep with her. He was a bit skeptical of her trusting him so soon. Well not that soon, he had his doctor to talk to her but she wouldn't tell him what they talked about, but that was months ago.

Lying in bed he asked her if she wanted to talk about it but received no reply, she must have been exhausted, caring for two small children during the day. Laying there listening to Cuddy's light snoring he began reflecting on the past and the way things needed to change.

Around 4AM Michael woke again for another feeding, deciding to take matters in his own hands he brought Michael back in the bedroom. He was determined to get Cuddy to bond with him and breastfeeding was an excellent way for new mothers to bond with their new babies. He couldn't understand why she didn't breastfeed him earlier, he knew that was one of the things that she wanted to experience with Rachel but was unable because she wasn't her biological daughter.

Maneuvering cuddy so that she was pressed against him, her back to his chest, he gently unbuttoned her gown and placed Michael up to her right breast first, gently urging him to suckle. Unable to get any milk, he began to fuss, to keep from waking cuddy, House bent down and gently took her nipple in his mouth to help the milk flow along, once the flow began he placed Michael back at her breast, he began to suckle hungrily. Successfully feeding from the right breast House moved him to left breast, experiencing the same problem as the other breast; he started the milk going and quickly placed him to the breast to nurse. After burping and checking Michael's diaper he rocked him back to sleep. A little surprised that Cuddy had not awaken while Michael were nursing, she must have been truly drained he thought as he limped back to the nursery.

Upon reentering the room, he noticed that Cuddy was awake with tears in her eyes.

"You don't know how many times I've tried to breastfeed him." She cried. "but he never took to it and I began feeling like a complete failure and a disappointment. While I was pregnant I promised myself that this was going to be the most loved baby ever born at PPTH but afterwards I was feeling like a complete failure. I couldn't cope with the thought of disappointing him like I had disappointed you. He has the prettiest blue eyes and every time I looked in them I saw you silently pleading for help, those same blues eyes were pleading with me to take care of him too and I wasn't even able to feed him. How was I going to love him?" she sobbed in his chest.

"Shh, you will bond with him, give it time." He said rubbing her back as she cried.

"I've tried but I don't think I'm capable." She responded.

"That's not the Cuddy, I know. The Cuddy I know wouldn't give up when people told her she was too young to be Dean of Medicine and would fail. She didn't give up and I know you are not going to stop until that child is smothered in love." He responded.

"You really think so?" she asked

"I know so." He said, kissing the top of her head as she slowly drifted back to sleep.

_Whew, I finally through with this chapter, I really wanted to update everyday but school is already tripping, I already have two test and a proposal due Thursday, so I will try my best to update Friday or sometime this weekend. Reviews do motivate me and may affect how soon I update. I loved the reviews so much from the previous chapter, I had the strongest urge to write while in class today. So review, review, review! _


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the delay but this fic is out of my comfort zone and I just couldn't get motivated to write. So here's the last chapter. I like smut and i'm going back.

Ch.4: Holy Matrimony

_Two years later..._

We are gathered here today to celebrate the union between Lisa Cuddy and Gregory House. As they requested they will be speaking their own vows today. Lisa you may go first.

"Greg, when you left I thought a part of me had died, I never realized how ingrained you where in my life until I woke up one morning and realized that you weren't going to be there to tell me I look like a prostitute." she said as the wedding guest laughed. Wiping a tear she continued. "that night when our lives changed forever I thought it was for the worst. In the months following I was at the lowest point in my life and had given up, so lost in my own misery that I failed to see the gift you gave me. It wasn't until you came back and open my eyes to your way of thinking that I realized that my dreams had come true. I love you and our children." she said resting her hand on her baby bump.

"_Ma ma ma ma," Micheal drooled at 10 months learning to speak, Ma was his favorite word. Hearing him call her Ma brought tears to Cuddy's eyes every time she remembers how close she came to rejecting him._

There was not a dry eye among the guest as many knew what the couple had been through in the past few years.

"I'm not good at words but I know one thing and that is I love you and our family. You have watched me self-destruct for too many years and I eventually touched you with my venom. I would say it was a moment best forgotten that night that changed our lives forever but it lead me to you, Micheal and Rachel and now we have another child on the way. I never saw myself as father or husband but I know with you beside me I can be so much more and I am. I love you.

"_Daddy daddy tea time." Rachel said standing in front of him, blocking his view of the TV. Taking her hand he followed her to her room for a tea party. As the pained raced through his leg at contorting to the child chair he realized how domesticated he was and he knew he wouldn't change a thing._

I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

The end.

I know you probably want to set me on fire right now but I feel that I don't have the skill or motivation to do this story the justice it deserves. So i'm bowing out. I had so many plans but found myself unable to put thought to paper, i've written this chapter several times and discarded it unsatisfied with anything so i've decided this is an okay end. I like smut and I think i'll continue with that kind of story. Thanks for all of the reviews and I hope you continue to read my stories and if you haven't already please read Controlling Cuddy and be on the look out for a new stories. Sorry and it was wonderful reading your reviews.


End file.
